Saturday, 21 April 2012

Lists (3)

This one is based on recent conversations:


1. My Mum on people saying my brother looks like Nick Knowles: "This greatly upsets me"

2. "What's that noise?" Middle Child puts three words together. We can pretty much say that's a sentence. Yay for fully working ears!

4. The FH on Twitter "Why don't you go on that Twatter and talk to your virtual friends" (at which point I did!)

3. "Come on fat Viduka" Dad to the ever widening cocker spaniel. A throw back to when a very overweight Marc Viduka played for Middlesbrough. Made me chuckle!

5.. The FH on me being the only person breast feeding in a cafe full of mums and bottle fed babies "fucking weirdos". (Although I do love breast feeding, I strongly believe a mum has to be happy with how she feeds her baby. However, it warmed my heart that even though I was in the minority The FH found a Mum opting to bottle feed quite alien)


1. "I don't want to call you Mama anymore" Big Child after a boy at school said he was a baby "Ok" I replied fighting back sobs and the strong desire to go and unleash Hell on a four year old child!

2, "By  'eck you've lost some weight" a neighbour on my post-baby weight loss! An intended compliment... I think. But instead I was left thinking about what a heffer I had been!

3. "He will need glasses and have to wear them permanently" The Orthopaedic on Big Child's eyesight. I know it's not the end of the world, but if you had a choice, you'd give them 20/20 vision right?

4.  "Wow he's big. How much does he weigh?" Any idiot who implies my baby is too big. I should reply with "I don't know. How much do you weigh?"

5. "Oh <pissed off pause> right!"  The cold caller when I politely answered his question with "No it's not a convenient time. I have a toddler and a baby who both need my attention right now." His tone was pretty much what I'd expect if I just told someone my two year had keyed the paintwork on their brand new BMW, but this guy was just pissed off because he was now going to have to dial another number to pester someone else, I said bye and hung up, but what I should have said was:
 "I'm sorry that this is your job and you really need to get at least one person to agree to a loan today so your line manager doesn't give you ball-ache, but I have a baby with chicken pox who is only happy if he is velcro-ed to my nipple and a toddler that is intent of tipping everything that can be tipped upside down. Surprisingly, my priorities lie with my offspring, not with some jumped up little twat who is taking his job DIS-satisfaction out on me!"


  1. That was very funny.Your brother does look like Nick Knowles, and I remember Mark Viduka .... he used to play for Leeds United .... when they were good .... which was a long time ago .... and he was a chunky monkey back then aswell. Really annoys me when I someone remarks that I have lost weight when its usually the reverse.

  2. Well you are officially in my Mum's bad books - but you're right, he does!