Wednesday, 23 November 2011

A letter to the parent and child spaces at supermarkets...

Dear Family Parking Spaces,

I am glad you exist.

Generally my driving is not good, however, there is one thing I can do - I can reverse park. I actually hover over "exceptional" on the scale of reverse parking.  And, occasionally, when The FH is in the passenger seat (only if he has had a drink), we  have a moment similar to the end of Toy Story 2 when Buzz's wings pop out. "Good Jockeying" he says and smiles at me like I just scored Liverpool's winning goal. Normally  my passengers look terrified, so this compliment goes a long way. 

So I can reverse park - but can I get a car in between those two white lines in a car park? No I can not. So Parent and child spaces, when they invented you, I thought: "I need a child"

I have a theory about you, my dear and lovely family spaces. And even though my theory should enrage my feminist roots, it doesn't bother me. Because the fact that you little gems exist makes me so happy, I have no room left for anger or feminism.

The Official Reason You Were Invented -  you were devised to help parents get the children in and out of the car, park buggies safely at the side of the car and walk safely, with child, to and from the supermarket.

My Theory - That you were devised specifically for drivers like me - bad ones. And as there is still a (very sexist) notion that the majority of bad drivers are women, plus, statistically, more women still do the family shop, and, statistically, more women than men take their children to the supermarket, then the "Big Brains" thought they would make the lives of those poor, little women, who struggle to make a decision at a roundabout, easier by giving them more room to park in when they are shopping.

And do I find my theory offensive? No it don't. Because I am that woman. I single-handedly shame the whole of my gender when I get behind the wheel. I am the woman who gives good female drivers a bad name. And for all you good-women-drivers out there, you know that story an arrogant, sexist turd tells that always begins with "I was behind this woman driver..." I am sorry you had to listen to that; that was woman probably me.

Therefore, Family Spaces I would like to thank you, not just for the extension of the white lines, but you also encourage me to take my children shopping more, something without your existence would be a rarity.

Though, I do have a confession whilst I have been pregnant, I have been even been abusing the privilege; I have actually parked upon  you without any children in my car. But I honestly thought you would be sympathetic as I dare the car park attendant to challenge me, my rant fully prepared, (which included asking him to squeeze a bump this size out of a car door in a regular space and explaining how if there was ever a time a person needed an extra 50cm to help them park it is was when they were 8 months pregnant).

Take care Family Spaces and may you continue to bring joy to the car park, the bad driver and the world!


The woman who got a license based purely on her reverse park.

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

The major flaw with internet shopping

I love Internet shopping. I spend far too much time on the Internet, I am aware of this, but for ease, convenience and pure introverted pleasure, Internet shopping is marvellous!

Since having children I can count the amount of times we have been to a BIG supermarket to do a BIG shop on one hand. And it is rare, that a friend or relative living further afield than a 1 mile radius, will receive a gift, that hasn't been bought online, wrapped beautifully by someone else and sporting a typed gift message.

However, there is one major flaw with Internet shopping... 

Sometimes a picture can be very deceptive.

Example 1
My sister (Curls) and her partner were looking for a coal bunker. They were aghast at the prices. Much more expensive than they thought. Then, whilst trawling e bay, he found a cheap one. "Look at this, it's only 8 quid"
She had a look. "Yeah that looks great - get it, quick before it goes"
But being the sensible one in their relationship, her partner said "I think I'll go measure the space outside first, just to make sure it fits. What are the dimensions?"
Curls read them, then with a  puzzled expression said "3 centimetres by 5 centimetres.? That can't be right?"
He took the laptop from her, scrutinized the description for a few moments then fell about laughing "It's a coal bunker for a fucking doll's house"

Example 2
A friend had just started doing their weekly food shop online. Originally, they had been against the idea, but had been won round when completing their first shop by the amount of bargains they had found, that they would have usually missed in the Supermarket. They were a little excited when it arrived (don't judge - I was too). He immediately rooted through the shopping bags in search of the bargain toiletries he'd purchased.
 "I still can't believe how cheap they were, I normally pay triple that for them" he said, then pausing and pulled them out the bag "Why are they so small?" he asked holding travel size deodorant and moisturiser in each hand.

Example 3
My Mum had been trying to get hold of some vintage cooking utensils.

Finally, she found some on e bay. But a bit disappointed when they arrived.

Here they are... lovely, authentic and beautifully formed.

And next to a regular sized cup...

They are quite small!

Vintage TOY utensils - who knew?