Wednesday, 30 March 2011

The real wish list...

So this is what I really want out of life. Warning: shallow and fickle content!

Do you know your body shape? Yes it's a squash!
I want to be able to afford good fitting clothes, and if I can't have all my clothes fitting well then I'll just choose trousers... or jeans. And if that store doesn't exist, I want to pay someone to alter everything that I "shouldn't wear" (according to a gay bloke or a pair of middle class witches) so I can wear it.
Sometimes, when the TV, or a Mag, has asked me for the billionth time if I know my body shape,  I envisage myself appearing on a Gok show (it doesn't really matter which one does it? Same show - three different names)… the producers hand me over, a lamb to the slaughter, "right here she is, do your bit". Gok then looks at me for a long time, pulls that face that my 3 year old does when you ask him a question (thinking face). He then starts turning me round. Looking for a sign or something? Nothing. Gok then takes time to pat both hands against the big 3 - shoulders, waist and hips - and looks more puzzled. He waggles a finger to a producer (the brains), she looks puzzled, shrugs shoulders and walks away. "Well my darling" he says at last "I'm totally clueless here, I ain't never seen one of you before. You know what my darling, I'm running out of vegetables so  I'm thinking we just call you a butternut squash, maybe squash for short?" How apt - like someone took a girl who was five foot ten, and squashed her down to five foot three and this is what they got - me! A butternut squash.
No More Tesco Tees  (T Shirts washed once and look like they've been handed down four generations - "It's great yeah - it cost 2 quid" - really?)
For my children I want health, happiness and clothes from mini Boden! Maybe, occasionally, something from GAP, but only if I've bought it from the REAL GAP store, not the outlet, where I spend the whole shopping trip looking for the reasons it didn't sell on its first go. Oh I know there are meccas for middle class shoppers, but they know something we don't - they are indestructable. Sometimes we  are given-hand-me down bags from said middle class shoppers and we both rifle through the black bin bag till we find a mini Boden item, raising it to the air we kiss it like it's the FA cup.

Step away from the catalogues
I want my house to look like a John Lewis Showroom, dotten with the occasional Item from Pedlars (but not the sloany stuff, just those pieces that I drool over occasionally and then slam the catalogue down in disgust at the prices.)

How to solve the 'what if?' conundrum?
I want a time machine. Now, let's not get excited I ADORE the place I've ended up, but you know just to go back and play around with it a bit to see what could have happened, just for fun, then come back to here and now. How handy, you know for those nights that you're suffering from a bit of insomnia - "just popping out in my time machine, back before you know it - literally!" Marvellous.


Well, I better stop pratting about on here and write something that's going to make me some money then, heard those time machines are pretty expensive. Flash forward glimpse of epitaph: 'Well she didn't win the lottery...'

Monday, 28 March 2011

Too cool to Blog? Not cool enough!

I can't believe this has been here for so long and I've had my eyes kept firmly closed. The world of Blogging! I have come home!

My Mother (wise woman that she is) suggested I should Blog years ago. I turned my nose to her white ceiling and said "no, I don't like it." I was cutting and short, as us daughters can be, and that was enough for her never to mention it again. What I really meant was I knew someone who blogged and I didn't like her, or want to be like her, so I had disregarded it as a pastime - a writer who is dismissive of new ideas - no wonder I'm unpublished!

Now, as I've left my career behind me (temporarily? maybe?) and embarked on full time Motherhood, the passion of writing has once again taken its gruelling hold over me. But the downside is I now try to get paid for things that I would have once done for free... "Can you just check this? Would you just edit this? Can you just write a few words for me on..." I call myself a Freelance writer, but I'm just a writer who doesn't get paid... YET! A writer who doesn't get paid yet.

Anyway in a sweet and delicious nutshell: Blogging - I love it! More than I ever realized I could, and it is frightfully addictive. I am already terrified by how much time I can spend on here when I have thousands of other things I really should be doing! Not only am I now addicted to writing my own, I have fallen head over heels for numerous other blogs.
At first I found one - "oooh I want her life", now I have about five different bloggers (strangers who I feel I know intimately) that I fantasise about being. There's probably another 400 out there. For a neurotic daydreamer and compulsive people watcher this platform is procrastination at its best.

Well it's better than eating cheesecake I tell myself, but I am eating cheesecake. Right now. Mouthful. Type. Think. Daydream. Ponder. Type. Mouthful... you get the idea. And that's another thing the world of Blogging is full of females who are slightly obsessed with cake, or ice-cream, or French butter or some other caloricious delight! I think it’s because they go so well together, we must be all tip tapping on keyboards smeared with grease marks and have cake crumbs nestled between our letters.

Yep Blogging is an inspiration. Already today I've wanted to see more, listen more, write more. I want to live in Paris, I want to ramble in charity shops, I want to take better photos, bake better cakes, customise my own  clothes, try out new hairstyles... must most importantly I want to write about it. And who cares if no ones reading it - I'm enjoying it!

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Flipperty Flip Flops!

So spring's here! And the Flip Flops have come back out to play. Actually, a confession first: I have had my new pair since January, lovingly telling them most mornings "not long now"

Each year I wear them earlier and earlier. My feet, having been suffocated by a variety of socks and boots for one of the coldest winters they remember, let out a little yelp of Joy this week as they slipped into something more comfortable. ...And then the inevitable... the cold blooded female in the shop queue eyes my open toes 'Oh, that warm is it?'
"Only for some..." I reply, "you'll take another decade to warm up you frosty crow" I tell her in my head!

After wearing Sketchers tone up boots all winter, I decided to try Reebok's Easy tone - which, so far I like. They don't look as clumpy as some of the other brands and subtly add a bit more height than the regular Flip Flop. Now, whether they are toning or not is a different matter, but just wearing them around the house makes me feel better about gracing the Gym only once this week! 

Unfortunately, having just checked the week's forecast, it seems we may be dipping back into big boot weather - I just don't know if I can face it! The freedom of socks this week has just been bliss - socks alone must add on 10 minutes to leaving the house - and that's just to find a matching pair!

My two children have been adorning Crocs and Sandals this week too! I fear tantrums may be ahead when I have to wriggle them into socks and shoes again! I'll just have to whisper softly, "Not long now!"

Now, if I still had my disposable income I'd be indulging in a dozen pairs of flips for the spring/summer but times are hard - so I've have to pick versatile pairs to match different outfits and outings. With my practical pair sorted, let's shop for the impractical...

Bows are making yet another summer comeback - YAWN!. But, bows on Flip Flops - CUTE!                             

Red? Isn't that versatile, but very trendy!
Black? ...That'll do!
Inspired? Then get your flip flops out! 

Friday, 25 March 2011

Fashion Nurture....

It seems all the fashion blogs I've been reading are all about the latest fashion trends for clothes horses. Well I'm not a clothes horse. I'm not HUGE either! Size 12 on a good day, Size 16 on a bad - I'm a yo-yo - and my wardrobe needs to provide for this. It needs to be able to make me feel better on a fat day, look even better on a thin day! It has to cope with all my moods and it has to do what any man I've met can't -  take on an irrational woman with PMT and win!

Wouldn't it be lovely just to have somewhere just to get a few ideas on what really suits your moods - not just your shape or your occasion? Clothes have really got to make you feel good and your wardrobe has to be in tune with your insecurities, your desires, your aspirations and your emotions. Fashion defines you, but wouldn't it be good if it nurtured you as well?

My wish list:

For a love yourself day - get your head out your backside and try this dress to show off how fabulous you are today!
Quite a versatile LBD! Dress up dress down? If you have good legs, this would look so cute with flip flops, a red skinny belt and a straw floppy hat  For evening, if you have chunky legs like me I reckon a a bit of haberdashery can turn this into a good night out number - an ivory netting petticoat, pearl necklace and satin ivory sash would create a great contrast with the black ruffles and casual material. High Neutral heals to lengthen pegs. Watch out big boobed girls, it might be a squeeze getting them into the seamed bust area.

"I'm just feeling uggh and want to cover up my uggh buts!"

A wrap skirt for Fat days; wrap skirts are very forgiving. Jersey works for hippy and non hippy girls as it can create more definition - and when nothing else works they will calm you down as you add flip flops and your most flattering vest or slouchy tee! A bow hair band would make it sexy cute too.

Oh look I've reverted to black - oh well I think it never fails to help a mood, you can always lift it with coloured accessories. £40 might seem a bit pricey for a DP dress but I think you could get money out of this one and £28 for a maxi from warehouse is ok really - you know with Warehouse it's going to keep well.