Doomed before they even opened their mouths?

So Victoria Beckham has finally got a daughter, and David, once again, got the lucky job of announcing the name to the media. Normally, he stands outside the private hospital and squeaks out "Muvver and baybee are doing weerly well. We're all weerly pleased." However, this time, like many of us, he decided to announce the birth on Facebook. David |Beckham shy away from the media? There can only be only explanation for this - the name was Victoria's idea.

You'd think after the choosing the names Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz that they would be hardened to mass mocking and name baiting. However, since their last child was born, the social network has allowed a new platform, and indeed a new level, of celebrity ridicule to take place. Is there anything they could have named this long, awaited daughter that wouldn't have resulted in a twitter frenzy of bad, and sometimes cruel, jokes?

Well I have to say I think Harper is a beautiful name. I'm not really a fan of surnames for first names, however, this traditional Scottish name has more to it than the Harrisons and Jacksons that are appearing on maternity wards. For a start there is its most famous namesake Harper Lee, I'm not sure if the Beckhams are fans of 'To Kill a Mockingbird', or have even read it, but for me the name Harper will also evoke the courageous and powerful words of Harper Lee (even though she was originally christened Nelle Harper Lee). And also it doesn't end in 'son' like many of the others, which makes it sound less surname, more forename.

But then I heard the middle name – Seven - and a little bit of my love for the Beckhams died. Seven? Yes, I get it after David's iconic football shirts. But Seven?  Harper Seven Beckham. I can't even say it without falling over the words. Apparently it is a name, a boy's name originally, now growing in popularity in America - where else? I suppose it will be really cute when she is, actually seven years old, but what happens when she turns eight? But who am I to judge, as Harper Lee said, you can't understand a person till you've walked a mile in their shoes. So come on Victoria, hand over a pair of your Christian Louboutins and I'll give it a go, it might not be pretty though (picture glass slipper dangling from ugly sister's big toe).