Saturday, 31 March 2012

Lists (2)

This week I...

1. Sunglasses. 31 years old and they still make me feel "cooler"

2. Open air domestics - I've witnessed two this week. A chavvy mother chasing her chavvy mother through an extremely busy car park to hurl swear words at her, whilst her bewildered children followed narrowly avoiding being hit by cars. And...  A very posh couple arguing on the prom where the wife was repeatedly shouting "I'm an embarrassment?" at her cringing husband in her straight from finishing school shrill screech. For a nosey bugger like myself they were both fantastic!

3. This conversation between me and the FH: -
Him: I've decided what suit I'm getting for your brother's wedding?
Me: Oh yeah?
Him: Blue.
Me: Blue? BLUE??? What kind of blue?
Him: Not Trigger blue. Navy blue.
Me: Oh right yeah. I was SO thinking Trigger blue. Navy will be nice though.

4. Coffee cake

5. The baby's bronzed little face - factor 50 on and he turns Mahogany. Little rascal.

1. Pelican crossings that don't work. No lights. No peeps. It sends all 3 children into a frenzy and it's absolutely fucking impossible to get them across the road, especially as Fearless believes he is invincible.

2. That scream you do when you are really scared for your child's safety. Yes it is effective at scaring them senseless, so they will never do IT again, but when you do it unnecessarily, in public, you look like a bit of a tit.

3. Parents who call their children derogatory names. I know I am over sensitive and slightly very opinionated at times. But mean "name-calling" is just unnecessary. Life is hard enough as it is. At the park the other day I witnessed a Mum called her 2 year old a "dork" and a "duh-brain". Ok so it's not the "C" word (which I've heard) or calling them an "effing gay" because they cry when going to nursery (which I have also heard) but still... Not really going to help their self-esteem. Also parents who call their chubby babies "fatty" - In this society? Really? When everyone is so image obsessed? Is that child really going to make it to puberty without any weight issues? Come on people, share the hippy love!

4. Panic buyers. Have we not learnt the two simple rules yet: 1) Don't listen to the government, and...2) Panic buying just screws everyone over. I know, I'm wasting my time, no panic buyers will be reading this - they're all off down the shop stocking up on bread and milk because someone said it might snow next week!

5. The woman at playgroup* who has the longest, most shapely legs and is 8 months pregnant. She's probably never heard of swollen ankles and varicose veins. I hate her! And her leggings!

* Actually, shapely legged Mummy is a very nice, amiable and friendly person, but I am far too jealous of her to be rational!

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