It seemed like it was only me who was not "loving the sunshine" last week. Me, my swollen feet, newly found double chin and pregnancy waddle did not appreciate the October heat wave one bit.
Both my sons were born in the summer, and during their pregnancies I was at my biggest on the hottest days of 2007 and 2009; I could be found almost naked on the decking as The FH sprayed me with water, like he was trying to save a beached whale.
This time, having a Christmas baby, I was looking forward to having my own personal central heating. The summer had passed us by with only a couple of beach days and we had barely witnessed the sunshine caress the decking, never mind the appearance of semi-naked-beached-whale. But, for me, I thought "well I got off easy; bring on the snow. I'm ready."
An Indian summer seemed out of the question. We packed away the crocs and flip flops, put the outside toys back into storage (the playhouse), paired up all the boys’ socks and spent a fortune on winter shoes and lined winter jackets. I even started to make movements to sorting out the cloak cupboard (well I told The FH what I expected him to do). Then -Boom! A late September heat wave - and for the North East the hottest temperature of the summer - Mother Nature, you cow!
I was surrounded by belated summer joy! Television presenters gushed and giggled at the end of the weather forecast, Twitter and Facebook glowed with Sunkist updates and everywhere I went grinning smiles turned to sympathising, cock-headed looks of pity, as I huffed, puffed and waddled past.
But being (almost) 7 months pregnant was not the only downside of the unexpected sunshine...
- Early sunset and high tide - we headed to the beach on Friday, after picking Little O up from school, the Future Husband would meet us there. My favourite thing about having the beach on your doorstep is making the most of summer evenings and fish and chip suppers. In high Summer the Sun bounces off the sand and promenade till late into the evening. In the last days of September we discovered the autumn sunshine was stalled by the prevailing cliffs and with it being high tide at 4.00pm there was only a thin strip of sunbeams between the cliff shadows and the shallows. This thin strip was closing in on itself as the tide drew nearer and the sun lowered its gaze further.
- No Salad or Ice lollies. On the Saturday, I was unbearably hot. I had developed a heat rash on parts of my body that will go without mention. All I could bare to do was walk into to town, with the boys and The FH, and get an ice cream. My lovely little seaside town has three traditional sweetshops; each one had a queue out the door for the ice cream booth. We decided to head the supermarket buy a multi-pack of ice lollies and go to the bandstand to eat them, I also needed some lettuce for tea. Turns out Sainsbury’s wasn't prepared for the sunshine either - there was one pack of lollies left, an opened and battered box of Fabs, and one bag of browning lettuce.
- Scruffs with no tops. You're prepared for them in July and August, the inevitable desire for most unattractive males to strip from the waist up. But in October, you'd be forgiven for thinking this unfortunate side effect of the summer was over for another year. But there they were again, parading their tattoos and flabby skin around the town. And even if they have spent the last 3 years of their life in the gym, and their bodies are ones worthy of display, they team their naked torsos with tracky bottoms, football socks and trainers (and a gold chain if you're lucky). Now, I’m not perfect, but I think it is in the public interest if I never adorn a mini skirt, regardless of fashion or weather.
Now if David Gandy (see below) were to walk past me on a Summer's day wearing nothing but Armani jeans and Havaiana flip flops then I wouldn't be offended, but even David Gandy in Adidas bottoms tucked into socks would make my skin shudder.
- Outrage at the Christmas aisle. Another hot day and I found myself waddling through the supermarket in a sundress and flip flops, only to find myself utterly outraged to be face to face with Halloween masks and confectionary and then utterly appalled to discover Christmas gifts awaited me at the end of the aisle "for fuck's sake - Halloween and Christmas things already!" I muttered to myself. "Well it is October tomorrow" a shop assistant said behind me. "Fair point." I thought, bloody stupid autumn heat wave weather making me look like a Scrooge.