Monday, 31 October 2011

So that's what I sound like when I'm really scared...

Last night, we had no tea and watched X Factor in bed, things were all a bit muddled with the clock change.

After X Factor it dawned on me that a 7 and half month pregnant woman needs to eat something to get through the night, so I left The FH in bed, netbook on his stomach, trawling e bay , whilst I went in hot pursuit of a tuna and cucumber sandwich with too much butter.

I considered putting on a dressing gown, fully aware that a once short nightie, was now skin tight and indecently short due to the material taken up covering the bump, but then thought "sod it" anyone peeping into my back windows is clearly too desperate to be consequential.

There I was, at 9pm, all lights on downstairs, pitch black outside, hunting for the salad cream in the fridge, when I heard a noise outside. I am a little bit neurotic about noises and have an overactive imagination. Usually I chide myself for being jumpy, but something had unerved me to the point I had to check the patio doors. Just as I got to them, I caught sight of a figure, tangled up in the washing line, heading towards me.

The next sound that came out of my mouth is a sound I had never heard before. In my head I was shouting The FH, but in reality I warbled a high pitched yelp, that had such an impact he appeared in seconds. It was the sound of true fear.

The figure was our builder picking up some ladders he'd left behind a fortnight ago. He had texted earlier, but the iphone had been drained to empty by the kids.

He was mortified, the builder, who is polite and apologetic by nature. I like to think his mortification came from having terrified me to a quivering wreck, and he overloooked the fact my arse was hanging out of my nightie as I stood, frozen to the spot, considering my weapon of choice, warbling.

I can honestly say this is the most terrified I have ever been...
And this is what I have learnt...
  • In a crisis I think too much... Phone? Knife? Lock door? Grab broom? Is this person pissed? etc etc
  • When it comes to Fight or Flight? I Freeze.
  • Those screams girls make in horror films - so unrealistic - it's a warble!
  • The FH will throw a netbook across a room if he believes I am in real danger.
  • If you trult believe you are about to die, you don't think about your underwear - even if you're not wearing any at all!


  1. I must apologise for laughing, but I did.

    Thanks for linking up to the New Bloggers Bloghop.

  2. You have to laugh - it's what gets me through it all! That and blogging about it!

  3. Hi, I am visiting via Love New Blogs. I think that I know the kind of sound you are talking about.

    I made one recently when I spied a nasty great toad of a spider lurking on my indicator stick the other day. Yes, I was driving at the time, with the babe on board. And, it was no little thing either - we get some corking spiders here in Spain. I had to stop the car to deal with it but couldn't indicate. Hideous. And the unearthly squealing?! That was me.

  4. Hi Bibsey...

    How rude of that little monster? I think some scientific research needs to go into the motivation of spiders, as they can choose the most inappropriate of places to perch!

  5. ARGH man in the garden!

    Seriously though I cannot cope with havign the curtains open when its dark outside as I have been known to wee myself a bit upon catching sight of my own shadow!

    It's strange how we react when really scared though isn't it? In fact how we react is probably more scary than the thing that freaked us out in the first place!

    I have visions of the builder clapping eyes on you in your nightie as white as a ghost and crapping himself!

  6. Ha ha! I also learnt that a good fright doesn't bring on early labour either! The builder was very apologetic, I let the FH deal with him whilst I found a longer nightie!