Saturday, 8 September 2012

No Children Please!

Ok, so there are places that are appropriate for children and there are places that aren't.

We all know that.

I haven't taken my kids out clubbing with me (because the last time I went was 2002) or to theatre to watch Our Country's Good (also in 2002). But I wouldn't anyway. I rarely take them to a restaurant these days, unless it has a huge outdoor space when they can partake in some lungeing pony training  to tire them out before they are forced to sit still for 3 and half minutes.

But before I had kids you wouldn't have found me eating in Pizza Hut at 5.00pm.

Like I was saying, there are places you expect to find kids and places you don't.

And maybe I am out of touch, but two places I expect to find children is on aeroplanes and at weddings!

Before I had kids. I travelled A LOT more. We had holidays back then you see, real ones, where you go to another country - one that is hot! And do you know what? I can't remember there NOT being  a child on the flight. In fact, I think on every flight I had a small child in the same row as me. But I expected that. I expected them to be sat right next to me and scream the whole 4 hours. And if they didn't then it was a bonus.

But  if there was a noisy child  on the flight, do you know what I did? I put my ear phones on and I watched a film or played some music. And I didn't hear a thing. Simple.

I find the fact that an American couple, who were taking their twin boys on a  trip to visit their Grandparents, felt the need to provide "apology" gifts to the whole plane, absolutely ludicrous.

Here's the gift bag... some sweets, a sickly note written by over thoughtful Mum and dad, the twins, and ear plugs.


Only in America! Where you have to fly everywhere because it's massive!


Apparently the apology for reproducing "gifts" took ages to prepare... Which boils my piss even more as THEY have twins! How did they find the time? Just look after your babies. Every one else will cope. I'm sure they've heard worse.

So sorry folks, from now on we are all going to look like thoughtless bastards if we just show up at the airport with our kids. And if you do, you'll probably get some joker in a suit, sat in front of you, who says "Where's my present?" as soon as your child starts to whinge. It's ok, you have my permission to give him a bunch of fives!

I recently took a one hour flight with three kids. Four including my nephew, who was also on the flight. The kids were really well behaved on the plane, to be fair they ran riot round the airport but on the plane they were good. But still a jumped up, spotty student still felt the need to turn round and give me daggers every time my 8 month old babbled. Babbled. Not cried or screamed, he just babbled. If I hadn't been too busy giving out lollies, breast feeding, loading games on i pads, reading a book, colouring in and singing a nursery rhymes I would have stuck my middle finger up his upturned nostrils. But I was too busy ensuring my children were entertained. I was parenting. So, instead I wished him the worst fate I could think of. I wished him a colicky baby. Therefore, in the future when he was was pacing the streets in  the middle of night, begging for sleep, clawing at the edges of sanity, he would look back on that flight to Newquay and think "my God that women had a well-behaved baby. What an ignorant little cock I was?"

Which brings me nicely on to weddings...

Weddings? Yes weddings, that FAMILY occasion, where the FAMILY comes together to celebrate a couple who are statistically very likely to have children, if they haven't already.

 So with it being such a family occasion I cannot fathom why some people make it a"No children affair".

What are they afraid of? They might make a noise during a speech? Well at least someone will, chances are it's going to be naff anyway. They might not match with the colour scheme? They might have fun? Fart? Breathe?

Do you know what? I'm already bored of your wedding. I'm glad I'm not going.

Some people have said their parent guests asked them to make it "no children" - who are these people with unlimited baby sitters? And why did they have children? Was it purely because they felt left out because they couldn't shop in Mamas and Papas?

But it's their wedding, it's up to them. Just please don't send me an invite saying "No Children Affair" on it. Please don't expect me to face the guilt of asking someone to look after my 3 kids for a whole day AND night. And if by some miracle, I do find that angel, then please don't let me come to your "No Children Affair" to discover there are actually children there. The "special" children who are allowed to go, because they are under strict instruction not to be child-like  blood relatives. The ones who are bored shitless, because they are stuck with loads of pompous adults who don't want to interact with them. The ones who are having their playful souls ripped from their chests as they watch Uncle Knobhead get wankered.

My brother got married recently. We took our kids. So did everyone else who had them. In fact it was more of "please bring your children, and if you don't have any bring someone else's" kind of an affair.

And yes. I spent most of the day, along with The FH, running after them. It was hard work. Children are. I'm afraid that comes as part of the "having a family" package. It is hard work. But it was still good fun. We all had a cracking day. The kids especially. They loved it. And I am so glad that the experience wasn't taken away from them for fear of spoiling it for the grownups.

 
 
 
 
 
 

72 comments:

  1. I almost want to hump your leg in gratitude. Well said.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is my favourite comment EVER! *Raises leg dutifully*

      Delete
  2. I've just said all this on twitter which is a bit stupid of me when could have had more than 140 chars here!!!

    I don't mind children at weddings as long as they aren't my children. I don't enjoy weddings with my children there, I want to get drunk, dance like a loon and go to bed late. However it still pisses me off when the invite says "no children apart from the wedding party". Basically no children unless their job is to look pretty in wedding photos. Don't the bride & groom realise the wedding photo kids will probably be better behaved if there were other kids around to play with so they don't get bored. Make your mind up either NO KIDS or ALL KIDS.
    However back to the beginning, I hate my kids at weddings but as long as you look after your own kids then feel free to bring them (other hate, parents who bring their kids and then expect people who don't have kids to look after them).

    Oh and the reason I am posting this is annonymously is because I can't get my wordpress id to login correctly. @queenofbiscuits

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha! Yes, I wouldn't be human if at some point at brother's wedding I didn't think "I want to get shitfaced and be a wanker!" but I spent 12 years doing that before I had kids so I reckon I had my fill! But I here you - entertain your own kids, I'm not getting paid here!

      Delete
  3. That spotty student could well have been me. I learned my lesson well. Five hour car journey where no. 1 son screamed every minute of the way. Imagine apologising for having children. Silly twin parents.

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a refreshing read! I've got 2 little monkeys of my own (aged 3.1/2 & 20months), so can appreciate every word you've written.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brilliant, brilliant post. It's like you took my personal soapbox and turned it into a golden podium of glory. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bird... I love you. What a wonderful comment.

      Delete
  6. I went to a christening earlier this year, our family & another family both with young babies. The other baby wasn't too happy and was having a little whinge about it so the priest helpfully 'suggested' to the mother that it was ok to take baby outside. Several times. Until she realised it wasn't a suggestion but a request. He then continued 'we're here today for the children' - I was fuming!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ridiculous! I do believe "God Welcomes All Children" even the noisy, hyper, boistrous and untamed!Silly arse!

      Delete

  7. Also I have often spent journeys fretting that my children are being too noisy/badly behaved only to be complimented at the end by strangers on how well behaved my children are (not boasting I do it thru a combination of fear and bribery). Sometimes I think we put too much pressure on ourselves and the majority of people are fine with children, we are just super sensitive to the people who are wankers.

    @queenofbiscuits

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! I do wish my skin would would get a wanker radar and consequntly thicken when they were in close proximity.

      Delete
  8. Yes. Yes. Yes. All our friends who had those snotty looks when we took our fairly well behaved kids out, now have their own shitty, screaming, annoying little bastards and I LAUGH. If my kids aren't good enough for you, then I'm not either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. They land badly when they find themselves on the "other side".

      Delete
  9. I take offense to the whole no children at weddings too - so they expect you to pay rediculous sums of money to get to the bloody thing and then a babysitter on top?! Cant believe that American couple did that!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love this post. It made me laugh out loud. But I spat my coffee out when I read Lisa's reply :-) xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. I went to the wedding of a close childhood friend in June, and a couple of her guests had children there. One mum with her two sons was sat directly in front of me. Her 8 year old was perfectly fine, but the 4 year old, obviously uncomfortable in his fancy clothes, was extremely unhappy throughout the entire ceremony. He wandered into the aisle, screamed at his brother, upended his mother's handbag, etc, etc. The mum had come prepared with things to keep him occupied, but he was still being told to sit and be quiet and NOT do what children do, which is explore surroundings. And so he screamed through the vows I was trying to listen to, and the mum (my friend's cousin) was not able to see or listen to the wedding ceremony at all. Don't get me started on the meal. I'm sure that's how she wanted it, though, as it would have been downright cruel to have left her son at home with a babysitter, where he could play his own games, with his own toys, eaten familiar food, and gone to sleep at his normal bed time.

    Not every couple getting married plans to 'have a family' in the sense that you put it. Yes, by getting married, they are starting a family of their own, but how dare you assume that the end goal of all marriages is to procreate; how dare you assume that all people have the same views and values as you. You are a parent, but you don't have the right to push your children on people during what is THEIR day to celebrate, not yours.

    My brother and sister-in-law happily asked me to babysit my nephew when they went to friends' weddings. He was only 3 months old at the time, but she pumped milk for him, and they were so relieved and happy to be able to have the evening to celebrate their friends. They love their son, but recognise that the evening was not about him. And that wedding wasn't even 'no kids allowed.'

    At my wedding I will be providing a creche service at the venue. I know my family have children, and coming from overseas to the wedding, I can't expect them to leave them at home, but I do NOT want children interrupting the most important vow I will ever make. I do NOT want unhappy children crying during my meal, meaning my siblings and cousins leave the room to calm them down, only to have to take them home because they are tired and upset. Because of this, there will be a creche service available at the venue. Child minders will play games, feed the kids, and they will be able to go to sleep when they need to.

    It is in no way selfish for people getting married to not want children at their weddings. You love your children, as well you should, I don't blame you. But you can't expect everyone else to love them as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First of all, thanks for commenting Emily, you have provided some valid points.

      However, I do not presume, every couple has, or wants, children, I said "statistically likely" because they are, that is a fact; 38% of married households in the UK have dependent children, that does not include the marriages which have non-dependent children, have ended in divorce/loss or the married couples who are expecting or planning to have children in the future.

      I am well aware there are married couples that do not have children, by choice or for other reasons.

      But it is irrelevant if the wedding couple are planning to have children or not, because, like you, they are likely to have guests, family at their wedding who do have children and seen as it is a "family" occasion I find it sad that the children would be excluded from this.

      No, you’re right; it would not be cruel to leave them at home with a babysitter in their familiar environment. But to me it is unnecessary.

      I find it very depressing that our society feels the need to segregate children and adults. How are children supposed to learn about society, community and appropriate behaviour if they are not modelled it?

      I do believe this is a factor why the UK has so many social problems amongst its youth. We are breeding a generation of people who are insular, self-orientated and devoid of community spirit. On the continent, family life is celebrated and the idea of a “childless wedding” would terrify many. This inclusive attitude is prevalent in their society and consequently they are facing less social problems in their younger generations than we are in the UK.

      But I digress. Back to weddings. I was recently a bridesmaid for my brother. One of the page-boys spent the service blowing out the night lights that filled the church. The bride and groom giggled at this, the congregation smiled and it has become a fond memory for most that were there.

      Depressingly, not allowing children it is usually about cost; people would rather pay for centrepieces than extra meals for their guest’s children. I find that children add more atmosphere than a flower arrangement ever will.

      I do not believe a wedding is about creating the “perfect day” I believe it is about bringing the people that love and support you together to celebrate the start of your married life. For me, this includes the children around you. A marriage is not perfect; married life is full of the unexpected, interruptions and things not going to plan. And I find it refreshing when a wedding reflects this. But that is just my opinion and of course, the couple should choose to marry however they wish.

      It seems to be a growing trend that people obsess about “THIER” day and it being exactly how “THEY” want disregarding how many other people have emotionally invested in that day. Whatever happened to it just being a celebration? The frills are merely material. The vows, yes, important, but if one person misses them because they take a noisy child outside will not spoil the whole day, there will still be plenty of other bits of the day they can treasure.

      I hope the crèche you provide does stop any children ruining your day. But just a warning - planning for perfection does often lead to disappointment. One of the wonderful things about life is that you can’t predict or plan for it.

      Yes, I do love my children, but, no I do not expect others too. As a rule I avoid “adult-orientated” environments because having children there is unpleasant for everyone involved. But I do want to enrich and nourish them with the good parts of our society and culture, and I think a wedding is one of these occasions.

      Delete
    2. Will your creche be compulsory, Emily? I only ask because a relative of mine helpfully put on a creche (people my 3yo son had never met before looking after him) and he wasn't allowed to come and see me at all during the reception/wedding breakfast. Therefore during and between every course, I left the table and went to check on him (which I appreciate my have been distracting for other guests, but it was important I knew he was ok) and on the final check was appalled to find him hysterically crying, yet no one had come to tell me! I was less than pleased - that is no way to look after a child. Needless to say, I immediately brought him into the main room, where he was happy as Larry once he was with me.
      I am afraid I am in the wedding being family occasions camp. If people don't want my children there, that's fine, but don't expect me to be either - I realise that sounds narky, but it's not meant to be. It's just how it is.

      Delete
    3. Alright, I recognise that we have differing opinions, but I would be offended if my guests considered our wedding to be about them. I'm not the perfectionist bridezilla, I'm not obsessing about the perfect centrepieces or even deciding what my bridesmaids wear. It's entirely up to them. I'm not looking for perfection, but I'm sure as hell looking to minimise potential headaches. And we're not saving money on going childless, we're spending more to do it.

      As far as the emotional investment other people have in my wedding day, I don't believe that means I need to invite their children. My wedding day is about my husband to be and I. I'm not putting any more emphasis on it being my day than any other bride would. It's a ceremony joining two people, not two tribes.

      And today's youth. Wow, so the reason youths rioted last summer was because of a disconnect between Children and adult, of not being a community that has children at weddings. Let me start by saying im not British, I'm Canadian, I just happen to have moved here recently. The reason there are problems with youths today is more a problem of bad parenting. I'm not calling you a bad parent, I'm calling the parents out there who don't care to socialise and discipline their children bad parents. The ones who blame teachers for their children failing. The ones who neglect their children. The idea that childless weddings are a factor in this is utterly ridiculous. I would say that there are less social problems with the youths of Canada, but almost every canadian wedding I've been to has been childless.


      I'm sure there are lots of lovely weddings with well behaved children in attendance, but I work with children every day, and I know that for every angelic child, there's one mischievous little devil with the parents who believe its everyone else's job to look after him or her. Do I not deserve a break on my wedding day?


      Finally, if you are a wedding guest, and you've invested emotionally in this couple, you love them, want to celebrate with them, wouldn't you respect their wishes? It's likely that they just have a different viewpoint than you. I know plenty of people who flat out do not like children. I'm not one, but they exist, and quite a few of them are honest, hard working, good people. And you know what? I probably will have kids, and if in a couple years, I'm invited to a wedding of one of those child haters, I will get a babysitter, because I respect these people and I want them to have the joyous day they deserve, whether I believe my hypothetical future children would enrich it or not is not the point. The point is that they don't want children there, and it's a fair one.

      Delete
    4. Claire, it will be compulsory, but any parents are more than welcome to check on their children, of course! I've spoken with all the parents coming to the wedding children and they're all thrilled at the idea of the crèche service.

      I'm not some monster bridezilla who hates children, I just don't want them unhappy and bored and thus more likely to make mischief and drive me nuts.

      Delete
    5. Hello again!

      All valid points! Yes we do have different views! And at the end of the day it is your wedding and you have the right to have it however you want. As does anyone.

      I am merely a blogger, albeit a provocative one at times.

      I am not a sociology professor either. And it would be ridiculous to pinpoint any major problems in society onto a growing trend of childless weddings. (I did write a blog about the riots and you'll be pleased to know I never mentioned childless weddings once!)

      The point I was trying to make was that this trend just reflects a shift in attitude in our culture. A culture where people throw money at a problem to make it go away. Be it shutting kids up with material objects, babysittters etc When it is interaction and socialising that they crave.

      This does come down to parenting styles. Which is probably where we do agree, the major problem is bad parenting. Which is probably why people choose not to have children at their weddings as they have witnessed a lot of bad parenting.

      Anyway, thanks for your reply. I really did enjoy reading it and you have provided some well considered points for the opposing argument.

      I really do hope it all works out for you on the day and you have a wonderful marriage. As it sounds like you are very much in love.

      Delete
  12. I think as a nanny who has raised a fair few children

    Children are misbehaved due to the parents inability to tell their little darlings off.

    I have invited my friends to my wedding WITH their children.
    If they chose to leave them then fine, but I will have 'goody' bags to keep them busy & as I'm not on duty I won't give a monkeys what they do.

    Kids will be kids and are only a product of what you make them

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. I think it is nice to give the parents the choice. They usually make the right decision, knowing if it is going to be something they enjoy or not. But I agree, children are products of what we make them, see above reply.

      Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.

      Delete
  13. This made me so angry. At the end of the day, it's about the couple not someone else's kids. If I had guests with her attitude then I wouldn't want them there (I did, they didn't come and we still had a fantastic time) not all children are well behaved and to be honest what one parents thinks is acceptable behaviour might be different to someone else. If a kid can't behave, why should the couple suffer it and have their day spoilt by some child crying through a service (which not everyone finds funny) she chose to have kids and it's not her place to force them on someone else's celebration. She also sounds like someone who assumes that everyone wants children.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Anonymous,

      I welcome all comments here; those who agree with me and those who don't.

      The only thing I don't like is when people refer to me in third person; I find it slightly rude.

      I don't assume everyone wants children, that would be as ridiculous as assuming everybody likes the colour pink.

      Of course you don't want badly behaved children at your wedding, who does? But I would hope most parents would consider the ocassion (be it a wedding, a meal out or a flight) and judge if their children would be able to cope with the outing or not.

      I never force my children upon other people, I am very considerate in my choices of where I take them, but I do think weddings are are a fantastic part of our culture and tradition and find it sad when children are not given a chance to experience this.

      Unfortunately our society has moved towards a more pretentious approach to Weddings Days than a celebratory one and I think this is a shame. Especially when people prioritise material things over other people, something I believe to be a huge downfall in our society and attitude.

      But each to their own, horses for courses.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

      Frances

      Delete
  14. I think this is very refreshing. It's like people who tut and stare if you dare take children out for tea. As you have rightly said in one of your comments, how are children meant to learn appropriate behaviour if they are never taken into a variety of environments? We love taking our children to restaurants (ok, Pizza Express as opposed to anything haute cuisine, but still...) and to grown up events. As a consequence they behave appropriately. They are 5 and 7, and of course their behaviour isn't always impeccable, but one thing I am very proud of is that they adjust their behaviour to the situation - they know if it is ok to run riot or if they need to sit quietly (don't get me wrong, when they are at home with me they can be monsters!). To me, weddings, christenings etc are all about celebrating and family - I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want them there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your comment Claire. Exactly - if they are shut away with toys and DVD's how do they ever learn about socialising and appropriate behaviour.

      Delete
    2. I would point out that a wedding is not a public venue. I would never dream of saying parents shouldn't bring their children out in public. As an educator that would be absurd, but a wedding is private and something special for two people, and they should have the right to decide who is there, and if that excludes children then it's up to them.

      Delete
  15. Thank you! Thank you! I completely agree.

    When I heard on the radio about the couple making those giftbags for the other passengers.. I lost it. Went ballistic. How dare people get aggravated over children. Grrr.

    And no children weddings?? LAME. Seeing other people's children is why I attend weddings. The kids are the best part. If I can't bring my child, I probably am not going. Sheesh. I had this baby for a reason. I love her and want her to have happy experiences.

    Great blog!

    ----
    @jessannprice

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The fact that you don't attend weddings to see a couple get married probably means they would rather you not come anyways..

      Delete
  16. I agree with you about the travel but the wedding thing is a bit self obsessed on your part.

    I have brought my children to my siblings weddings but I would never bring them to anyone elses wedding. It is unnecessary and inappropriate. They come to family weddings because they are part of the family and they should be there. However, they have no place at my friends weddings. I wouldn't bring my kids out to my friends birthday dinner, to my Christmas party or to any other predominately adult occasion. If you're friends welcome kids to their wedding then that's great. If they don't that's ok too. It's their big day, their choice.

    I agree that kids should be a part of family weddings, absolutely. Anything else is a bonus and totally up to the people getting hitched. It doesn't make them bad people for not wanting hoards of kids running around. It's also ok to take time away from your kids once in while, regardless of the life you had free of them before they came. It doesn't make you bad parent if you do, or you a better parent if you don't.



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi,

      Thanks for you comment. You make some really thoughtful points, which did make me stop and think.

      Yes, I'll hold my hands up... I may be a bit self-absorbed as I have a young family and I am very much in a family zone. But my views stem firstly from my childhood experiences.

      At the age of 18 I had been to more furnerals than weddings. The ratio was actually 6:2. One of those weddings I was a baby and can't remember. The other was my Mum's friend and for a 6 year old girl it was a magical experience.

      But that was just bad luck. No one in our family got married after we were born. And if it hadn't been for this non-family wedding I would have never had been to a wedding as a child.

      But once-again. I probably am being self-absorbed. I just feel there are so many negative aspects of our society children witness on a daily basis, I feel they should have chance to experience some of the wonderful aspects.

      Anyway, you are right, it is their day and they have to do whatever makes them happy. I just hope it's for the right reasons.

      Once again, thanks for your comment.

      Delete
  17. Good post and good on you, I am sick to death of comments about children attending weddings and going on holiday. I don't know any decent parents that if their children started carrying on at a wedding they wouldn't take them out of the room till they settled. Fair enough on a plane it is difficult, you are responsible for your children but you shouldn't have to apologise for them either.
    I can understand people not having them at weddings if all of your fiends have children and you have a limited budget but I wouldn't go to a wedding if my children where not allowed unless they were a really good friend not out of spite just because my time is precious with my children.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Sadie. I agree, I don't know anyone who would let a child scream or cry without taking them outside. If any of my children were to behave unpleasantly I would take them home. If it meant me missing out, then tough luck, like above people have said "I chose to have kids"

      Delete
  18. I like the old fashion version of raising children. They should be seen but not heard (preferably not seen either). I don't like to see the parents being mugged by attention seeking kids and having to be caught up with it. So children who are well brought up, polite and quiet, fine. Otherwise, no thanks.
    Guess everyone is different though and I don't doubt that views change once you have children of your own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think a problem with today's society is a lot of children are over-indulged and this brings out an unpleasant side of their personality.

      I think when you say "polite and well-broought up" you are referring to children who aren't over-indulged and get adult interaction instead of material things thrown at them, and your right, they are better company.

      Thanks for your comment Sophie. I enjoyed reading it.

      Delete
  19. Love this! Children in my eyes "make" a wedding. We had tons at ours last year, a weeding would not be complete without a little boy knee sliding across the dance floor! Well put, great blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love those knee-sliding boys! Mine aren't very good at it, so may have to hire some in on my wedding day!

      Delete
  20. Thank you for this post, I have recently been invited to two weddings where I am told that I can't bring my daughter, it's make me very sad that people have this attitude too, although there are going to be family children there, like you I don't understand this? My daughter is a big part of my life and it's like saying you can bring your kids but please don't bring your husband/boyfriend!

    Obviously people who don't have children and don't like children will not understand your point of view but I'm guessing you didn't write it for them do much! We also travel a lot with our two yr old, we pay for her to fly and so she is entitled to be there like very one else, we want her to travel, have family holidays with us and visit her family in Canada, which she has every right too! Again it's just judgement from people who don't have or don't like children. Your post has made me smile and it's good to know that I am not the only one out there who gets mifed and perplexed by this attitude! X x x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Karen. A lovely comment that made me smile too!

      Delete
  21. This is the best post I have read in so long.

    I understand people's comments both for and against your point, but I really don't like this assumption that if you are a parent who doesn't leave your kids at home, then you must be a parent who is completely out of control, and your children must be vile brats.

    I was recently invited to a child free wedding. Fine, you don't want cute kids robbing your limelight, that's fine with me. I am lucky enough to have a nanny who is usually willing to do a bit of overtime, and so childcare was no big deal for me. However, I did have an issue with the couple requesting my three year old's attendance after sending out invites which clearly stated no children. My partner and I also have a 17 year old and a ten year old from his first marriage, but they were not invited. If you were going to invite one, why would you invite the hyperactive toddler who likes to ask if you have a winkie? I asked, and was told that it was due to my 3 year old being Iranian/Vietnamese mixed. Apparently he would look so adorable in a white suit that they wanted me to bring him just for photos, and then take him home before the meal. I was so angry about this, for so many reasons. The bride became hysterical when I told her that my children would not be coming, and nor would I. She said that she couldn't believe that I was trying to make this about me and my kids when it was her special day and all she wanted was nice photos.

    I am boiling with rage now just recanting it. Kids; no kids, screaming kids running down the aisle and rolling round in the bride's train - whatever. I think you are really missing the point if this is a major focus when planning your wedding day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh My Word!

      Thanks so much for commenting. You made me laugh, fill with rage and hope that you write a blog too!

      Delete
  22. I raised my daughter in a very loving home, taught her how to treat others and tried to teach boundaries.. having said that, there is no way I could have taken her to a wedding or on a plane until she was at least 6 yrs old. She wanted to move around constantly so for me this wouldn't have been an enjoyable time. Live & let live, meaning those that don't want to take their kids to adult events should be allowed to without judgement, those that do choose to, no judgement.

    I travelled on a 5 hour flight a few months ago and the first thing I said to my husband when I sat down is I hope anyone with a child sits really far from us. Next thing I know there is a Mom,Dad & infant, directly behind me.. I thought well maybe the baby won't cry that much .. wrong. I didn't turn around and give dirty looks, I just closed my eyes & tried to get some sleep.. I think flying for most children must hurt their ears or something because this little one cried hysterically on the liftoff & getting ready to land..
    I thought maybe for this particular instance the flight attendants could have offered free drinks:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right. At the end of the day most parents make the best decision for their children. I find sucking a lolly not only keeps them quiet but helps with the ears too!

      Delete
    2. I am going to be flying again soon, I might buy a bag before I go and hand them out to the parents & their little ones:-)
      thanks for the tip...

      Delete
  23. *Hides behind a bush and whispers.... We didn't have children at our wedding*

    Couldn't bear the idea of kids running around so banned the lot of them! It did cause a bit of a stir but I've no regrets. We had a marquee in my parents' garden and the dance floor was around the swimming pool... can you imagine the carnage and weeping if several toddlers drowned... would've completely ruined my day :))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ha ha!

      I love your honesty.

      Great comment...

      And you made me realise that not all weddings are right for children. Sounds like it was a fab day!

      Delete
  24. I regularly fly business class for work. Am seriously considering asking for a down grade, as I much prefer other people's crying kids to other people's pervy middle aged husbands. I will happily drink myself to sleep, I just want to know that when I open my eyes, I won't be met by some sweaty pervert's gaze.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I absolutely, 120%, agree with you!! A wedding without kids is just wrong! I know, because I recently attended an Indian wedding where there was this 'no kids' provision and it was unimaginably somber and stodgy!! No kids to dance to the music or giggle at the bride and groom or run circles around them or try and steal sweets off the table?! What fun is that?!
    Also, the airplanes? Yes, I need to travel and of course, my kids will come with me...I paid for their seats and they have every right to be there.
    I can control my kids very well, thank you, and in the event that they, well, behave like kids, I will try to contain them, but don't expect anything more!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I love this! I mean I will now stalk your blog and retweet the hell out of this... I could maybe see having a couple 13 year old cousins watching rowdy kids in a different room during the ceremony if you are super picky and uptight... during mine there were loud kids and the guy doing the ceremony made a cute joke about it and we all laughed, even had a little girl walk up during and said you dwess peddy. I loved it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your wedding sounds fab! My blog would be honoured to have you as a stalker.

      Delete
  27. There are some venues that won't allow kids for weddings ... like wineries. We didn't go to a wedding of my cousin recently because of it. Other than that I COMPLETELY FLIPPIN' AGREE!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. That's fair enough. Glad you liked and thanks for commenting!

      Delete
  28. We had children at our wedding. My brother and sister in law considered not bringing my nephew. I told them if they didn't then I wouldn't turn up either! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  29. There are not many posts that excel my own (I am modest don't you know!) but I have to give you a big up for this one. Totally agree - the no kids at weddings is just so poncey and is normally stipulated by couples who don't have children or if they do they are the ones that want their life back, child rearing is a chore, being a mum/dad is hard, they want me time blah blah a lot of me's and I's going on and just highlights the type of society we have become a very selfish unfamily orientated one. Newsflash -children are fun and are a blessing. The current fashion to be moaning and whinging about every bloody aspect is nearly vintage thank god! About bloody time. x

    ReplyDelete
  30. Well said! This is a great post. I had to laugh out loud to the comment about the spotty student and wishing a colicky baby on him later in life! Ha ha. I had one of them and it really was no fun at all. We are raising human beings here not an inconvenience!
    What trite nonsense those twin parents. But they're new to it. Give it time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Delete
  31. Great post and I agree with you totally!
    Children's should be allowed to be children, they are hard work but they are rewarding, and so often if you trust them they will amaze you with how well they deal with situations (particularly if you are armed with snacks and loads to do).

    ReplyDelete